And maybe “we” will “get back” to “you”
Archive for November, 2009
PLEASE ASK “US”
November 30, 2009VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS
November 28, 2009
I found this on a trip to one of my least favorite malls in the world – - Ballston Common, which seems to now be part opium den, part dollar store, with a little wild west thrown in.
There’s nothing like a gun forbidding weapons on a red wall in a restaurant to really spark conversation. And of course, appetites.
This really isn’t what my homestate is like.
And yet, here we are.
The best part is that there are actually two identical signs, parallel to each other.
Sigh.
NEW MOON IN SUMMARY
November 28, 2009
Edward’s passive-aggressiveness reaches new heights, underage werewolf gives dreamcatcher to heroine who waits in her room while her emails bounce back for months, then he cuts his hair and runs around shirtless with his buddies and eats gigantic muffins in a house where dreamcatchers are more accepted. One black vampire arrives and is quickly killed off camera. But at least he doesn’t have to wear a shirt or gloves with fingers. A young Tori Amos vampire fails to make it through the woods into town because she’s too busy playing Crouching Tiger up in the trees.
Edward decides to off himself by flashing a bunch of humans. He is thwarted by our heroine’s Jesus Lizard impression as she runs through a fountain and manages to keep him from taking off his pants. Members of Kraftwerk are displeased with this whole pants business and order Duran Duran to smack around Edward and Co. Dakota Fanning realizes she was meant to be the weird little girl from Dune and causes psychic pain to the audience and maybe some of the vampires.
Finally, Edward realizes he really should ask our weirdly dysfunctional heroine to marry him because she just will not go away, and his hand is probably broken from crushing his cell phone with it, so she could probably open doors and containers of bryl cream for him. The end.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
November 25, 2009
I don’t really have anything Thanksgiving related to say, other than Blackwolf the Dragonmaster will be marching by any means necessary in the Macy’s parade. At some point, they’re going to just have to realize that he is New York’s only wizard and give him a float.
Here is your Turkey GIF roundup:
DECLINE OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION PART VI!
November 23, 2009
I might have a favorite new band.
I’ve watched this about six times now. And while I’m not sure what’s going on in the last minute or so, with the throwing up as a result of what appears to be some kind of magic spell, I think everything up to that point is just fine.
[DISCLAIMER: It is not nearly that exciting, but it is just as gross as I've described.]
I only have a few questions:
• Is that a band member’s parent checking his iPhone at the beginning? Or are the older music critics already onto the magic that is Kid Romance?
• Was not painting her ears green a decision, or was it the result of running out of time?
Hey, it happens to the best of us.
• Where does the red smear effect come from?
• Did the blonde mohawk kid finally leave the show, or did she have to forcibly march him out there?
Anyway, I am 98% positive that these are people to watch. They are angry and weird and they know a thing or two about this internet thing.
Also, for those of you who have wanted to copy the make up from Lady GaGaga’s Bad Romance video, the lead singer has a tutorial:
Heh.
CONVERSATIONS I HAVE WITH MY WIFE
November 21, 2009“I think he’s more convincing without his skin.”
I know, right?
OTHER STUFF THAT I’M WORKING ON
November 19, 2009Hello! It’s been a little while. Here’s what I’ve been up to:
• I’ve been writing a children’s book for the last ten months, and lately it’s been getting more difficult, where it feels like I’m physically struggling with the plot. My hope is that it will be done soon and that I can edit it for the next ten months, or something like that.
• I re-did my professional website. I talked a bit about being a book designer in the Soupy Sales post. I occasionally work on freelance projects and I realized I hadn’t designed my site in about three years.
I find that projects where I work for myself always take forever, because I have a new idea the minute I’m almost finished. But I managed to actually get it done, which was a lot of fun.
Anyway: book design! It’s a way of life.
• I’ve also been trying to think of new activities for this site. Ideally I would like to take one theme and just run with it for a month. Tragically, this month’s theme did not work out, umm, at all. I’m hoping to get things back on track for December.
In the meantime, here is an awesome video. The plot is pretty epic as far as guinea pig storylines go:
CLAP CLAP. CLAP.
November 18, 2009From the entirely dubious words of YouTube’s bkslavin:
The Blackeyed Peas compel the employees at the Microsoft Store in Mission Viejo, California to break out in dance, let their hair down and have some fun. This is an amazing store, the employees seem really excited and engaged, almost happy to be at work.
Totally! Just watch how they move!
Oh my god. You poor employees. I have worked a lot of horrible jobs, but nobody I worked for had the Dickensian cruelty to make me dance and videotape it for the goddamn internet to see.
Most of what I hear about MS’s approach to marketing have come from the TWiT network. When MS started doing those uninspiring “I’m a PC” ads, complete with a John Hodgman clone, Leo Laporte noted that as cringe-inducing as these ads were, they succeeded in making Apple’s ads look elitist. There was no white room, no jabs at another company, and a complete lack of smugness. And they sucked. The ads barely register as either an endorsement or a corporate endorsement. “Listen,” they seemed to say, “Making ads is really hard for average people like you and me. Even if you have a little bit of money tucked away, like we do.”
But this pretty much confirms Microsoft as the company who will force their employees to dance for nickels to a horrible song in a store that looks like the Trading Spaces version of an Apple store, with choreography that must have cost them about a buck ninety-five.
Listen, dancing is really hard. Especially when you don’t want to.
