I have been looking for a way to avoid wearing suspenders with a belt for at least ten years of my professional life. But even in my wildest dreams, I couldn’t imagine that someone would build a pants-suspension device that could also look like some kind of unfortunate and outdated medical contraption.
. . . much less print “Connecting the Shirt to the Pants” on the package itself.
The Suspendease People, have done me a great service. And I thank them for it. Also, the fact that they let me know that these work “almost as good” as suspenders really inspires a great confidence in their honesty.
Also? They sell suspenders, too. All kinds. Because while there are times and places when you may not want to wear suspenders, there are also times and places when you might.
Suspendease: if you’re reading this, I believe in what you’re doing, even though I haven’t experienced your product first-hand.
On a personal level–although I would not object if you put these testimonials on your website and paid me, say, five thousand dollars–I want to list just a few times and places when I don’t want to wear suspenders with a belt.
5:29 AM, Weekends This is “Me Time.” That’s all I have to say.
Middle Village, Queens There are very few suspenders there. Don’t believe me? Drive around and ask.
While Running from the Law (On Foot). The police might grab hold of a suspender strap, and while I would then easily increase my speed, the elastic strap would pull me back in a comedic fashion. This is what I dread the most.
Most Parts of Egypt, or a Very Metropolitan Museum See above, but substitute “police” for “mummies”.
The Astral Plane Suspenders interfere with my aura.
While Appearing on Television See above.
12:11 PM, Weekdays This is “Blog Time.”
Again, Suspendease: THANKS.
